True love or just blind?

And so. Truly madly and deeply in love.
I ignored everyone that said anything bad about this person. Why i just don't know because after my past experiences, you would have thought i would want to cover my ass with both hands.
Nope. Convinced after all i had put up with that 'someone-up-there' had finally thought, lets give nicki a break, i believed that this was it.
So, even when i was told by his ex that he was still with her when he met me and told me he was single, even when contacted by another woman to tell me she was also seeing him at the time, i laughed these off as two very bitter people and this was helped as i asked him and his reply was oh yes, i was seeing so and so but we split up before i met you.
The list mounted up and up with these women telling me that while he was with them, he slept with their friends, and such similar things, gradually though these comments died down and i was left to wallow in what i thought i had found.
Truth is, i refused to see or believe anything bad about my partner. He was an angel to me, stuff what everyone else had to say. To the people who tried to warn me, sorry for not listening and thank you for at least trying, but there was no way these warnings were getting through the fog lol.
Even when, one day, i was sitting watching him on the pc and he went to the loo, and an msn message popped up on the screen from a girl called claire.."I thought you were going to come and see me last night. I am not very happy that you didn't come." I did ask him about this, his reply was that she was the daughter of a friend of his and he was supposed to go round and help her fix her pc. I believed every word, why shouldn't i? Now i am wondering.. but that is best kept till later i guess. Thing is, at the time, i chose to trust, nothing wrong with that i suppose. I have male friends, i am not one of those psycho's who doesn't 'allow' my partner to have female friends. I didn't, and still don't despite everything, consider myself his keeper. And, i loved and trusted him and had no reason to doubt what he said.
Not long after this, i started working at the same company as him. It was brilliant, from my point of view, i got to spend all day being close to the person i loved lol.
When i met him, i knew that he had a holiday booked to go with some lads from work to greece. Not a problem from my point of view either. The whole truth?? I did not think for even one second that he would cheat on me. So, he went, and i missed him terribly. And still not one thought crossed my mind that he would have done anything wrong. Not even when i dropped him off at his friends house ready to catch the plane in the morning, and he walzed off without saying goodbye or anything. Not even when i went to pick them up and they all piled in the car and he didn't even hug or kiss me. Ok, i was pissed off, but thought maybe he felt funny doing that in front of the 'lads' lol.
So, a couple of weeks later when i walked in on a conversation taking place about how he pulled on holiday, i even managed to ignore that. When i was told that he had been on a job and shouted at some girl to get her tits out, which she apparently promptly did, but he had told me that it was the person he was working with that had made the comments. I even didn't mind that so much, i brushed it off as lads having a laugh. I wasn't happy about it obviously, but it was innocent to me.
When i looked on facebook and saw a photo of him dancing with some girl he had met on holiday however, it felt a bit different. When i asked him about this, he said "I went on holiday to have fun so i don't feel guilty." When i said i had a copy of the photo on my phone, and he was dancing behind her .. i mean right up behind her, he tried to grab my phone to have a look. When i got the phone back off him, he pushed me across the room, i slammed into the wall face first and then fell onto the floor. Maybe i should have left him then, i don't know. I do know i had a cracking black eye and didn't see him except for at work, for a whole week.
I was so annoyed i contacted the girl who posted the photo. She told me "He was all over me one night kissing me and stuff, and wanted to sleep with me, i said no."
HE said "She is just pissed off because she wanted to sleep with me and i said no."
Hmm. Now what am i supposed to think? This was the first time my confidence in him had been shaken.
Now he started making comments not long after this. You cunt, you stupid cow, you idiot, you twat..things like that. I, naturally, wondered where the man had gone that i had fallen in love with. I held on, waiting for him to make a reappearance. No such luck.
So. I decided to cut my losses and run, before i got hurt even more. Yes, three years on my own definately gave me the balls to do some things lol.
So, i asked him to leave. He wasn't happy about it, but off he went. About a week later i got a text from him asking if we could talk. I will say that i had spent the whole week in hell, and wondering if i had done the right thing. I missed the kids. I missed him. I wondered if it was me, if i had approached it wrong, or gone over the top about something silly. I forgot about being shoved across the room. I forgot about the name calling. That all went when he sent me that text asking if we could talk.
I arranged to meet him near bromsgrove in a nice quiet place where we wouldn't be disturbed or have anyone else interfering.
Well, we sat, and talked, and i was very open about what i felt and how he had hurt me. I accepted things he said about me too. At one point it went a bit pear shaped and i just about gave up, and went back to the van, ready to leave, because it wasn't working. He grabbed the keys and threw them into a field the tosser lol. Then he said "You are just like all the rest" and started crying. Well, i was mortified. I stopped feeling angry and started to try to be understanding. About how he felt. About how he had been let down.
About the times i had promised him (he reminded me) that i would not leave him. And as he went off to find the keys, i resolved to sort it out properly.
So we sat and chatted. He promised not to hurt me any more or call me names.
I promised not to stay in touch with phil (my ex) and all sorted, we went home.
A few weeks later, we were at his dads house, when he was doing something with the car and asked me to do something or other, i couldn't hear him so i said "Can't hear you, sorry." His response was then to shout loud enough for the whole of birmingham to hear "Fuck off then you stupid deaf bastard." Jesus..well i wasn't standing for THAT. And in front of his dad and the kids as well. I was so embarrassed.
So i did. He told me to fuck off.. so, I started walking.
Well i had got to frankley beeches before he phoned me asking where i was. I told him, i'm on my way home, and when i get there, i swear to god i will have nothing more to do with you.
Well he turned up, with the kids in the car, and started shouting at me to get in the car. I saw the kids' faces, they were so upset. But i couldn't do it..i was sick of being treated like a piece of crap. So when he left i was upset, but ok, i knew i had make my point. He dropped the kids off and came to find me again. This time, i got in the car but refused to speak to him. After all, he knew what he had done wrong. He had promised not to swear or shout at me again. All i could think about was how had it all gone so wrong?
When he dropped me at home, i told him what it was he had done. He apologised profusely, telling me that he was sorry, he knew he was in the wrong, and bad tempered. I was cross. I told him, you made me break my promise. I promised i would never leave you, i would put up with everything you threw at me, i would not be like all the other people you have been out with..but you put me on the spot and embarrassed me.
Speaking to him made me calm down to the point where i could just put it behind me as an argument, but i told him, all i ask is to be treated fairly and with respect.
So, it went for quite a while without incident, everything was brilliant, he became, again, the person i had fallen for. A bit grumpy, but the 'honeymoon period' doesn't last forever does it lol.
And i was glad i had let go, or forgiven, things he had said, or things i had heard about him, and things he admitted to doing, because it meant, in my eyes, that he finally realised, i wasn't about to go anywhere. That i did really love him.